Insomniac.

Last winter, after Ben was born, I had a mild case of I-don't-ever-want-to-go-to-sleep-because-I-never-get-alone-time-anymore. The use of the word mild is putting it...mildly. One night, in fact, I stayed up until 8:00. AM, people! I quietly slid into bed just as Ben was waking for the morning, and Tim looked over at me like I'd lost my mind. And then he took over baby duty until I woke up at - get this - 3:00. PM!

I thought this sleeplessness thing was something new moms just did. As normal as breastfeeding and changing diapers and washing thousands of loads of laundry! Once Spring hit, I kissed insomnia goodbye and settled in for months of good sleep. I never even looked back!

Now it's 3:00 AM and I'm awake, staring zombie-eyed into this computer screen in my new basement office (it's kind of dungeon-y down here, but I like it - pictures later!). WHY can't I drag myself to bed? I'm pretty sure I haven't had a child recently (did I miss something?), so this is obviously now a case of the winters, not a case of the just-had-a-baby.

To entertain myself in the wee hours of the morning, I've discovered StumbleUpon. What rock have I been hiding under? This site is AWESOME! I always see people tweeting about it but I thought it was just another one of those things that would be too overwhelming for me (like, er, Twitter), so I never even bothered checking it out. But laaaate last night, when I was STILL AWAKE, I saw yet another mention of it on some blog I follow. So I created an account and then I got sucked into this crazy world of StumbleUpon! You check a few boxes of things that interest you and then you hit the Stumble! button over and over and over and OVER and OVER! Pretty soon, you're discovering all the hidden jewels of the interwebs.

Like, did you know there's an entire website devoted to eyebrow shapes?

And one called the Amazon Filler Finder where you enter the amount you need to get to that magical $25.00 for FREE shipping and they'll find an item for that price?

And in case you need to know how to talk like a 12 year old, there's an English-to-12-year-old-AOLer-translator! You type in a sentence or a paragraph or whatever suits your fancy and, what do you know, they translate it! For fun, let's try it out.

Me: I would really like to go to sleep. Sleep would be very nice. I'm so tired. WHY AM I STILL AWAKE? Somebody come drag me away from the computer! My under-eye bags will thank you.

Translated to 12-year-old speak: I WUD RILLY LIEK 2 GO 2 SLEP!!1!1!!11 OMG SLEP WUD B VERY NIEC!1!1!11 WTF IMM SO TIERD!!1!! OMG WTF LOL Y M I STIL AWAEK?!!!?! OMG LOL SOM3BODY COMA DRAG MA AWAY FROM TEH COMPUTAR!!!!!1 WTF LOL MAH UNDER-3YE BAGS WIL THANK U!11!!!!!1 OMG

Oh, kids these days.

Then I ran across some real gems, like this:



This is an excerpt from a 1950 edition of Popular Mechanics. It was a prediction of the future. Bah! Don't I wish.

Then there's the Museum of Menstruation. I won't elaborate. Proceed if you dare.

If you're scared of the impending zombie invasion, you are not alone.

Oh man, I could go on for hours. And I probably will, but I'll spare you.