Fatty McFaterson

I've talked about being fat quite a lot, so it should come as no surprise that I'm going to take a whole blog post to talk about fat (and now a lack thereof). Mostly this post is just a gigantic thank you card for my mom, who, on a recent trip to see her in South Carolina, taught me how to finally get rid of my baby weight once and for all. Can you even call it baby weight come your child's first birthday?

My mom spent most of her adult life carrying some extra pounds. Then I told her I was pregnant, and I suppose the realization that she was about to become a grandma really shifted things around in her brain. Suddenly, she was shedding weight like nobody's business. She was running an hour a day, weight lifting, eating healthy and so on. Within a few short months, she shed over 50 pounds. Wow! She looked amazing! As awesome as it was, it was a blow to my ego when she came to visit me in the hospital after having Ben and pictures were taken that looked like this:

I mean, look at me! She was so skinny that she took my disgusting cow status up ten notches. I remember vowing, while flipping through those pictures, that I was going to lose that baby weight faster than anyone had ever lost it before! By Ben's one week birthday, I think I'd lost 30 of the 40 pounds I'd gained. The problem? I was DIETING. WHILE BREASTFEEDING. I was a humongous idiot, desperate to get back to my pre-baby weight. That resulted in some issues in the milk supply department for which I have always been so upset with myself. So as quickly as I'd started the diet, I stopped. I wanted to provide for my child first and foremost, and even though I was doing the Weight Watchers nursing mothers program, it was clear that I was doing it way too early. So I stayed fat.

Months and months (and months and months and months) went by after that, and my weight didn't budge. I was up a good ten pounds from pre-baby weight and was really doing nothing about it. I said I was, but I was scarfing down oreos all the while. And then all the non-dieting caught up with me and I was suddenly up SEVENTEEN pounds from pre-baby weight.

I had to go out and buy new, bigger pants. Yikes. A quick stint on Weight Watchers and I lost those extra seven pounds in time for Ben's first birthday party. I thought I looked pretty good until the pictures surfaced.

As I so often do, I said I was going on a diet and I was going to finally kiss those ten pounds goodbye. But yet again, another three months went by with barely a budge. And then I went to visit my mom.

She put me on her plan: I figure my daily caloric expenditure using this calculator and choosing "sedentary", then I add the 500-600 calories I burn off in exercise. I then shoot for 70 to 80 percent of that number. Every fourth day I shoot for 90% of that number to avoid plateauing. Of those calories, I stick to a ratio of 15% fat to 55% carbs to 30% protein. It sounds confusing, but she whipped me up a spreadsheet and it was a piece of cake. The best part of this diet is that because you're consuming so many calories (I shoot for about 1500 per day), the weight is lost in a healthy way and, therefore, stays off.

Suddenly, I was losing weight at warp speed. Thirteen pounds later and I now fit into my skinny shorts! I weigh less than I have since HIGH SCHOOL. How rad is that?!

And now, please forgive me for a quick moment of bragging. I hate bragging, but I'm so proud to finally be here and be happy with me! And just in time for our beach trip in a few short weeks.

Hello, 120s! My, how I've missed you. And thanks, mama!