So another few weeks have gone by without a post from me. Seems this is my new trend, huh?
I'm facing a dilemma that is killing me. Being on team green is easy when your 20-week ultrasound (aka the "big u/s") isn't looming just around the corner. Turns out being on team green is MUCHO difficult-o when you're a planner like me with no ability to delay gratification and your big u/s is exactly seven days from today. I have people on both sides of the fence trying to sway me and they both have good arguments.
Why should I find out? Because I can plan, first and foremost. Do we need to set money aside to buy a stash of pink newborn outfits or are we set with all of Ben's outfits? Can I buy a few pink diapers or do I need to keep with the current green-yellow-girly blue theme? You get the point.
Also, one of my biggest motivators in waiting is because I don't want to experience gender disappointment. In case you don't already know this (somehow), I want a daughter like mad. If I find out next week that this is another boy for us, there's such a finality to that. This is our last child (according to me) and if this one isn't a girl, that means I will never have that daughter. Really, I'm okay with that. I would love another squishy-faced boy like I have now! He's the GREATEST! But I know myself well enough to know that there will be a few moments of disappointment should the u/s reveal another little dangler. Now, if I wait until d-day, I can't imagine that I could feel a shred of disappointment should they hand me another precious boy. But those on the "find out the gender!" fence bring up a good point. It could still happen. And, worse, I could feel double the guilt because I hadn't expected to feel disappointment. Eek!
And finally, I'm dying to know, so there's the sheer fact that I'll be quelling this obsession to know the gender growing in my belly. And the fact that I might have a better chance of closer bonding should I be able to put a gender to this little one kicking and pawing away inside, keeping me up at night. But the truth is, I never had that motherly bonding with Ben pre-delivery, even after I knew his gender. Sure, I loved him with all my heart! But I just didn't feel that bond until I held him in my arms.
Why should I wait? Because, first and foremost, it's what my hubs wants, and I want to give him that experience!
I also can't imagine anything cooler than the moment our new one arrives, Tim swoops him/her up in his arms and announces, "It's a...." while handing our miracle to me. AH! Dreams are made of those moments!
I imagine that the thrill of that "We're about to find out the gender of our baby!" moment will really help distract me from the pain of labor and childbirth. Then again, labor was painful, dude. I'm not sure anything can distract me from those core-rocking, breathtaking contractions.
Finally, if I find out the gender next week, that means I'm done daydreaming over girl AND boy names. It eliminates an entire world of possibilities that are swirling around in my brain! And, let's face it, naming your baby is fun! Spending nine months coming up with all sorts of cool male and female names is so much cooler than four months.
Now that the brain dump is over, let's lament this ginormous belly.
dude, how is it that your belly is shrinking?! You look freaking fabulous!! and I have no idea how you're going to hold out. Seriously I don't. I want to be on green team next time but I'm not pregnant and I so remember the anticipation of finding out with Dawson. Girl or Boy, I think you'll be excited and I know all about gender disappointment since I had it with Dawson...and now seriously, I couldn't be happier. Sure, I'm missing out on hairbows and pink outfits, but I've got the coolest kid ever. Which I know you know all about since you're also raising a little boy. So, I say get the tech to put it in an envelope...and if you seriously can't hold out....open it. And I'm with you, contractions HURT. I don't think anything can take your mind off of that. Or take two shirts to the appointment with you. A blue one and a Pink one and have the tech put the shirt on Ben that represents the sex. That way he can tell you if he's having a little brother or sister. That'd be fun.
ReplyDeleteHave the tech put a pic in a sealed envelope, then if you have to know at some point you can open it. If you have to mail it to your mother for safe keeping, do it. There was a point where I was having a particularly shitty week and I was so close to opening those envelopes- I needed SOMETHING good and it seemed like it would fit the bill. It was close to the end though, so we didn't. Now it's just nice to have for the baby book that I haven't written in. It was fun to hear my husband say "That's my Son!" when the doctor pulled Lincoln out though, I won't ever forget that.
ReplyDeleteThanks ladies!
ReplyDeleteMandie - Yes, it's shrunk, but it's still huge compared to most people at this stage. UGH. I'm short, what can I say?
Erin - That's a great idea! I didn't remember you guys were on team green the first time!
You are not huge. I was so much bigger with both kids by this stage. And with the second, I was losing weight the first trimester due to some extreme nausea. I just got huge with both babies. To the point people thought I was having twins and I only gained 25-30lbs with each one (right along with what the midwife wanted me to gain).
ReplyDeleteYou look great! And I could never be on team green. I'm way to into planning and needing to know. I wish I could have had that big surprise at the delivery, but it would have killed me.
Do what you feel will make you the most happy. It will be the right decision either way.
I agree with the thoughts above...you won't regret either way. Yeah, finding out the day you have the baby may offer a good distraction, but what about these other MONTHS? Doing a little baby shopping (specifically blue or pink) can make the whole pregnancy thing a little easier to bear. Labor to me was nothing compared to the pain, discomfort, itching, and utter hotness (as in heat) that I experienced during pregnancies.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I assumed two babies would be it for me during my second pregnancy, but now I'm not so sure...and Pack's open to the idea of more too (one day). Ideas can change quickly and often:)
You look so great! Team Green-ers get tons of respect from me--I don't think I could wait to find out. Whether you find out now or later, you will still have a brand new little cuddlebug at the end of it all. Makes me miss those prego and newborn days just a little!
ReplyDeleteChels, you are not huge, you look fab! I want you & Tim to do what is best for your family...don't let others' opinions sway you. :)
ReplyDeletea few thoughts...
ReplyDeletefirst- you haven't grown since the last photo and i could totally stick my non-pregnant belly out farther than that if i tried. heck, maybe even if i didn't try.
second- my obsessive need to plan says find out find out find out how have you not found out already? i couldn't wait. of course, i also couldn't have kids, so perhaps i don't count.
three- sticking to two sounds like a good idea- we got a third dog last week and the middle one now has middle child syndrome and is pouting around the house stealing toys and generally being a brat. kids must be a thousand times worse.
four- you need to update more often- some of us are needy!
five- i really want some cookie dough ice cream right now and i am about to give in and go buy it. comment one about how my non-pregnant belly is as big as yours is giving me some extra willpower.
the end
spe
ginormous??? That's what I look like at 8 weeks.. LOL
ReplyDeleteI understand your frustration! I am not even pregnant yet and still relate to a lot of what you are saying :) My only thing is I want a boy and if it were a girl, would I feel disappointed when she is born? It would help me prepare for another girl if I knew ahead of time.
I wanted a girl, too. I'm such a girly-girl myself that I couldn't imagine being the mother of a boy. When they lifted up my baby and showed him to me, I said..."It's a...boy?" with that slight uprising in tone indicating surprise. There was, I confess, perhaps a millisecond of disappointment. Especially since I knew even then that that we might not ever have another. And then--the regret vanished. In the flick of an eyelash. Now I have come to realize that having a little boy is PERFECTION! :) I wouldn't trade him for a world of girls.
ReplyDeleteThat said...in waiting...and this is hard for me to explain...but the bonding issue factored in for me too, and that was part of why I LIKED waiting. I was bonding with the BABY...not boy, not girl, just my little one, who I loved for him/herself. No name attached, no expectations. Just me and my baby, bonding through our natural connection. I will say that although I had issues with postpartum anxiety and the blues, I had ZERO difficulty bonding with Will. He and I bonded from the very first.
Finally, on top of all of that...I want you to know that if you decide to find out, I support that as well. :) I wouldn't blame you one bit!
I wanted a girl really bad for my first. When I found out it was a boy, there was a bit of an adjustment period, where I was able to reflect on my reasons for the way I felt, and talk to others and think through the advantages of having a boy. By the time I gave birth, I was so happy and excited to be having a boy, I would have been disappointed if they made a mistake and it was really a girl! So for me, those months of emotional and cognitive processing made a huge positive difference. While I am sure I would have loved him either way, finding out ahead of time let me work thorough some emotional baggage that made me want a girl so bad in the first place. So, I think it is up to how you process through things and the reasons for wanting a specific gender.
ReplyDelete