The never-ending labor.

I've been totally avoiding my blog.  On purpose.  I feel like quite possibly the most negative person alive at this moment, so bear with me.

Ben was ten days early, which is the point I reach in this pregnancy tomorrow.  I originally thought that meant I'd go early again until my OB shot that theory down.  She said going early once rarely has a bearing on whether or not a woman goes early again, unless there was a medical reason for it the first time.  So I tried my hardest to shift that strong mental urge that said baby would be here early.  By the end of November, I was feeling pretty good about accepting a late baby.  I could totally deal!

Then came the infamous 36 week appointment.  The cervix check revealed that I was 3 centimeters dilated and 80% effaced, which I was simultaneously stoked and scared about.  After all, I didn't want her here too early, but I could totally deal with her being somewhat early if she was ready and healthy.  The doctor had to really drive the point home with, "any day now," leaving me panicked and rushing through my long list of things still left to do.

Then one week rolled by.  I had a few episodes of false labor that lasted 4+ hours each time.  Both times I was convinced that "this was it."  Let me rewind for a second.  With Ben, I never had a real contraction until after my water broke.  I guess I also never realized how lucky I was.  Because this time?  This time has been insane.  I didn't know what minor contractions felt like because my first one with Ben was pretty much as intense as my last.  I guess that's common if your water breaking initiates your labor.  You never have the weaker contractions.  Anyway.  So I go to my appointment last week and find out that I've made no change.  Alright, whatever.  I decided that I needed a good dose of positivity and to put this back in God's hands.  He knows when she's ready, after all, and this is all His timing.  Besides, being negative doesn't really help the situation.

A few more episodes of false labor leave me really drained because it always happens during the night and I end up awake all night with nothing to show for it come morning.  No contractions, nothing.  So this week I think, maybe!  Just maybe I've made a little progress.  Especially after being awoken to some strong contractions last night that kept me up the rest of the night.  But no.  My appointment this morning revealed that I've once again made no change, except that baby is super low, whatever that means.  I just wish I knew what was going on with all the stop-and-start labor.  What does it mean?  I've heard it could mean a mispositioned baby, so I've been working on some exercises to help her get into place.  I guess time will tell!

Sigh.

I can do this!  I can get through these last few weeks!  Right?

Right?