Some reflections on the past week.

"A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." Prov 15:1

I went through a recent experience where I was sucked into old drama.  I am a different person than I used to be, but sometimes your past can come back to haunt you.  I guess it's inevitable that even when you change and grow, people from your past might not and they may try to drag you down.

I struggle with biting my tongue.  It comes neither easily nor naturally for me, and it's something I have to constantly work on.  But this week, I succeeded in a major way.  A few people tried to suck me into some drama by spewing some hateful things about me & a good friend (and worse - about my amazing, devoted husband who is about as undeserving of that as a person can be).  I wanted to lash out.  I wanted to yell and defend myself and my husband.  I wanted to hurt them the way they hurt me.  But I didn't.  I read that Bible verse over and over.  I even prayed for those trying to hurt me.  I've never been able to do that before.

Jealousy is an evil monster and it helps to remember that people can lash out at us because they're jealous of who we are or what we have.  Realizing that makes it easier to forgive; it makes it easier to pray for those trying to cause you harm.  I realize that the only reason someone tried to drag my husband into things was because he is such an amazing dad.  He's a smiley, happy, dedicated man, and I'm so lucky to have him (I mean, c'mon, the guy never complains that I rearrange our house every other week even though it means he's left to do half the work!).  I realize that many women aren't so lucky to have a husband like mine, and sometimes that triggers a lash-out response.  And you know what?  That's okay.

"But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you!"  Matt 5:44

"If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; if he is thirsty, give him water to drink." Prov 25:21

While I succeeded there, I failed big time last night.  I lashed out at a Walmart manager (when will I ever learn that I just CANNOT go to Walmart?!).  It wasn't my proudest moment, but it was late and I had driven quite a ways so that I could pick up pictures & groceries in one stop.  No one bothered to tell me that I needed to bring a photo release from the photographer who took a few of the pictures I was having developed.  It didn't mention it on their website, it didn't mention it in the email that told me my pictures were ready to be picked up and it didn't mention it in the text message that also told me my order was ready.  So when I got there, waited 8 minutes for someone to even show up to the photo counter only to have her rudely tell me she wouldn't give me my pictures, I got angry.  I pulled up the photographer's photo release on my phone but she wouldn't take that, either.  And neither would the manager.  And every person I came into contact with was rude and didn't understand my frustration about the fact that I drove quite a ways to go there and no one bothered to tell me until I got there that I needed a photo release.  

I raised my voice at the manager and told him they would just have to eat the cost of printing my pictures because I wouldn't be back to pick them up, nor would I be back as a customer ever again.  Like I said, not my proudest moment.  On the way home, I realized that even though I've come a long way in growing as a person, I still have a long way to go.  I still say nasty things.  I still lose my temper.  I try to reflect God's glory, but I don't always succeed.  I need His help.  Thank God he's willing to give it to me.