The Duggars, our fading morals and a giant rant.

What has happened to our society?  

When did it become tolerable - no, acceptable - no, the mainstream view, to bash a family going through something as horrendous as losing a baby at almost 20 weeks?

I'll admit that I used to think the Duggars were nuts.  This was long before I was saved and long before I got sucked into an episode.  All I heard were the tabloid headlines and other people's summaries of the show.  And, yeah, 18 kids?  19?  20?  Crazy.  For ME.  But why in the world does that matter?  Because I've chosen to have three children, that makes me superior to them?  No, it just makes me a different person with different desires.

But then I was saved.  And now I wrestle with the idea of birth control all the time.  I pray about it.  I talk to other Christians.  But ultimately, I've made the decision to take my procreation into my own hands and decide that I don't want anymore children after this third one.  Because I'm too weak to trust God's plan.  I'm too weak to think that He could know better than me.  

So I have to admire the Duggars.  And respect them.  They can do something I'm not capable of.  They have the ultimate faith.

But because they're famous, society says that makes them fair game for hate and ignorance and bashing.  Upon news of their latest pregnancy, a lot of people had a lot of things to say.  At first, I didn't have a clue what to think.  Then I realized it wasn't really my business.  And then, ultimately, I realized that I admired their faith.  And I admire the way they raise their children and I admire that they are able to support them all.  So what if that's via a TV show on TLC?  They also shop only second hand and make a MUCH greater effort to leave a small carbon footprint than I ever have.

Really, whose business is it?  Theirs and God.  That's what I think.  

People's opinions on the matter frustrated me a little bit, but I certainly understood as I walked in those same shoes just a few years ago.  I was right there, judging them along with everyone else.

But then, when they recently announced their loss and the truly EVIL comments started to surface, I wanted to throw up.  I also might have wanted to punch a few people in the face because I'm not the perfect Christian, but I could at least show a little restraint.  

The comments made that the Duggars deserved this tragedy, and that it's God's way of telling them to stop, were some of the lowest blows I've ever seen Americans make toward other fellow Americans.  To take someone's horrendous tragedy (this wasn't an early miscarriage, this was as close to stillbirth as you can get without being called a stillbirth) and use it to gloat or make yourself feel better is so sad there are just no words.  

When TMZ shamefully leaked pictures of the Duggars baby that were passed out at the memorial service, the reaction was how dare the Duggars!  

How dare the Duggars?  How about how dare TMZ?  How dare whoever shared this with TMZ?  That someone could blame a family who has lost a baby for sharing a picture of their baby's hands and feet with their fellow loved ones is just beyond me.  Some of the comments that I saw on the STFU, Parents FB page post (who I will never read or support again):

Original post from STFU, Parents:

Comments:

I would have to argue that it's not a family who has lost a baby and wants to remember and share that baby, to know that baby had a purpose in the world who is sick.  But, psh, what do I know?

Yeah, how dare the Duggars want to remember their lost baby girl and share her with their loved ones!  Gah!  Sick!  Tasteless!  Totally trivializes their loss!

Oh, right!  Let's get the government involved and forcefully remove her uterus!  What a great idea!  She's had 19 kids and 2 miscarriages.  I'd say the odds are pretty in their favor considering 1 in 4 pregnancies ends in miscarriage.  And furthermore, the idea that having a miscarriage and/or a stillborn baby means you shouldn't be allowed to have more children makes no sense.  We don't tell women in this country who can't get pregnant on their own that this means God is trying to tell them not to have children.  No, we assist them with medical miracles, and I think it's wonderful.  We don't tell women who've had four miscarriages in a row that they would be irresponsible to keep trying.  No, we hug them and wipe their tears away and encourage them and remind them that God is in control, and not one of those miscarried babies didn't have a purpose.  God has a purpose for ALL life he creates, miscarried, stillborn or otherwise.

Just because someone's belief system is different, if it does not actively affect YOU (i.e., were they taking government assistance, you might be able to have a say in her procreation), I just don't believe people have the right to voice such nastiness in the direction of a family who is just trying to put their faith in God while responsibly caring for their children and this earth.

The worst ones, the ones that made me stop and actually cry, were these:

Though I found it tasteless for STFU, Parents, to have started a thread picking on this family, what I found much more tasteless was the writer's shock when people came to the defense of the Duggars, and then the anger that followed.  I only hope that the writer of STFU, Parents, and all the nasty commenters never have to experience a tragedy like the Duggars.  Like it or not, we're all putting ourselves out there.  Everyone with a public facebook page, everyone with a blog, everyone with a TV show.  To say that I would deserve being made fun of while going through a tragedy because I put my life out there on my blog is a true testament to how far the morals in our society have sunk.  NO ONE deserves being viciously attacked during a period of extreme grief.  Not even a murderer.  The internet has allowed cruel people a stage to spread hate without suffering real life consequences, and it's time we demand that it stop.  

What she was really trying to say is: if I ever go through a tragedy, I'm fair game!  If I lose my baby, you have every right to violate my privacy and tell me I deserved it because I run this blog for profit!  I am ACTIVELY seeking attention!

The Duggars may profit from their TV show.  So?  The Duggars may have made themselves famous.  So?  As if that somehow negates their right to privacy, to respect in times of grief, to common courtesy that is afforded to anyone else who isn't famous.  

Whether you're a Christian or not, hate, in any form, is counterproductive and detrimental.  Even if you don't like someone, whether they're a blog writer or a facebook friend or a movie star, try to remember that we're all human and we all have feelings and saying such incredibly hurtful things to another has the potential to cut in deeper ways than you could ever imagine.  It has the potential to destroy another life.  DESTROY.  Let that sink in.