Why yes, I'm having a baby at home.

This post could be controversial.  I hate that I have to preface it this way, but I ask that you please keep any nasty/hateful comments to yourself.  We may have different birthing philosophies and that's okay.  I won't judge yours if you don't judge mine.  :)

Shortly after I found out I was pregnant with Ben, I got word of a new documentary called The Business of Being Born.  I also happened to have a friend preparing for a home birth at this same time, so it was really fresh on my radar.  

I was as far from "crunchy" as one could be at this time.  I drank lots of pop, ate lots of crap, was incredibly wasteful, used endless amounts of chemicals on my body, our home, in our food.  I was just blissfully unaware.  

But I was a newly pregnant mama, and that changes your brain.  It really does.  Suddenly you want to change everything about your life that won't provide a perfect environment for your child.  

And so I watched The Business of Being Born.  And that little documentary changed my life.  It didn't just convince me of a broken birthing system, it rocked my world.  It changed my philosophy on everything.  It was the first step in a desire to learn about my baby and my body and my food and my environment.  

I wanted a home birth.  I wanted it so badly.  But my husband didn't and my mom didn't and I'd had surgery on my cervix not too long before getting pregnant, so after time, I realized that I probably wasn't the best candidate and even if I was, I couldn't change my husband's mind.  And he's half the equation.  So I had a hospital birth.  And honestly?  It was a pretty good experience.  My doctor was hyper-paranoid and ordered ultrasounds at almost every appointment which I'm not a fan of - ultrasound technology is still fairly new in the scheme of things and they used to say that x-rays were safe for babies too - until they learned they weren't.  You see, that's how we do things in this country.  Did you know that in America, a chemical is assumed safe until it's proven harmful?  A company does not have to prove the safety of a chemical.  HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?! 

Anyway, aside from the mega exposure to ultrasounds, I liked that experience.  They were sweet, doting and accommodating to my desires, but I did feel pressured into the epidural as they kept telling me that the anesthesiologist was at home and that it would take a bit so if I wanted one, I should go ahead and make that decision.  But really, I can't complain.  It was a beautiful birth and a wonderful experience and it taught me that my body carries and births babies well and that I would be a good candidate for a home birth in the future.  Something to get excited for!

Fast forward to Adalyn's pregnancy.  Both Tim and I were on board this time, but we kind of dropped the ball.  I kept putting off making an appointment and before you know it, I'm 12 weeks pregnant.  I finally called the only midwife I knew of and she said she'd call me back.  Only weeks and weeks went by and I never heard from her.  So I called her again.  Again she didn't call me back.  By that point, I was 17 or 18 weeks pregnant and we just gave up on the idea, called an OB and that was that.  I later found out the one midwife I chose to call was one who has taken on WAY too many patients and is not recommended by anybody else in town now.  

This time, I don't have a good hospital birth.  At 38 weeks while I'm complaining about my comfort level, my OB asks, "Well, do you want me to go ahead and induce you?"  I thought I was going to faint!  My doctor was just offering up an induction at thirty-eight weeks (!!!) for discomfort level only.  Not because baby was in distress or my bp was high or there was some indication that baby needed to come out now.  Nope.  Just because I hurt.  Because, you know, no other pregnant woman hurts at 38 weeks.  Most hospitals in the country are moving away from unnecessary inductions because they're just that: unnecessary.  Why should we mess with God's plan merely because we're uncomfortable?  If there's a reason to take baby and baby is better off outside of the womb earlier than God would have, hey, I'll support that.  But to offer up an induction to a vulnerable woman who is at her wit's end and uncomfy as all get-out is dangerous and irresponsible.  I am quite crunchy these days, in case I haven't made that obvious, and even I toyed with the idea!  Half of me was shocked and the other half was like, Hmm, maybe I should just do it!  Luckily my smarter half convinced my vulnerable half to say no.

Then she wanted to give me pitocin when I was dilated to 5 because she was afraid the baby would come too fast.  I pretty much begged her to just break my water instead because pitocin scares me (statistically speaking, your risk for other interventions is quite large after getting pitocin and I'm just plain scared of the painful labor that I've heard pitocin induces), but she wouldn't have that.  So I went home and was told to come in with the next contraction, which happened a day or two later.  

Then they broke my water.  I can't fault them for this because I asked for it.  That was on me.  I was going for the "natural induction" route and while it's not totally accepted within the "crunchy" circles, I'm not really opposed to it when all signs point to "baby is ready!" (I was 6 cm dilated, fully effaced, etc., but not in labor). In hindsight I wouldn't do it again because I am at a different place in my life now - one in which I would prefer to trust God's timing and not my own - but I wasn't quite there yet during this time and I was impatient and fearful.

When my doctor broke my water and it got on her, she jumped back with this horrified, disgusted look on her face.  Like, how DARE I!  Because she's an OB doctor and somehow that's not a regular part of her working life?  This was after rolling her eyes at me when I told her I needed to potty before she broke my water.  She was annoyed at me that I had not done this before she got in the room because I was wasting her time, you know?

I asked for several things in my birth plan that were not honored.  I asked that they not cut the cord until it had stopped pulsing (something that is becoming increasingly accepted and even if they didn't buy into the philosophy that baby needs that last surge of blood, they could and should have humored me as it was in my birth plan).  They didn't honor that.  I asked that baby be bathed in our room for her first bath.  They refused that.  They took my brand new baby away from me to bathe her.  That was the last straw - that was the moment that I realized I could never birth a baby in a hospital again, unless circumstances dictated that it was NECESSARY.  I don't believe normal, healthy births HAVE to be done in a hospital.  Now, I don't think there's anything wrong with hospital births if that's where you feel most comfortable and you won't find me judging someone for having one.  I did!  Two of them, to be exact!  But for me, this time around, I want to experience birth as I believe it was intended to be, and I hope that having a home birth will facilitate that.

I feel the need to write this post because there are people who have been very vocal about their beliefs that home births are stupid, risky and uninformed.  I could have just said, "Hey, I'm having a home birth!" and that's that.  But I know I would have to brace myself for some comments that would hurt my feelings and some disrespect and honestly, some misinformed viewpoints.  I know this post sounds like a giant justification.  It really isn't, but it is a plead to respect every woman's right to birth as she wants without rolling your eyes, judging or vocally expressing your distaste for her choice.  I do feel the need to explain myself because I know what the common conception is and I've already received several strange looks and a few disagreeing scowls.

You have every right not to choose to home birth.  We should all choose to have our babies in the place that makes us most comfortable.  For me, that's my home.  

But I don't feel you have a right to tell me I'm endangering my child by birthing at home.  Unfortunately, the studies on the matter are flawed.  Most studies say that home birth is as safe as hospital birth and results in far fewer interventions, but people question the validity of these studies.  A few studies claim that infant mortality is higher among the home birth group, but people question the validity of these studies, too.  I wish there were a definitive answer.  The best answer I find comes from the studies on OTHER countries - ones with much lower infant mortality rates and much higher home birth percentages.  We're one of the few countries in the world that decided to consider birth a problem that needed fixing by modern medicine.  

My heart and my soul tell me to birth this baby at home.  I'm kind of old fashioned in a lot of my beliefs.  I do tend to err on the side of "if we did it in the old days, it must be the right way!"  Years of frustration with our current system (food system, chemical system, government, parenting, etc.) have tainted my views and shaped me.  

Until very recently (in the scheme of things), women didn't birth in the hospital.  We've been birthing at home since the dawn of time. 

I don't want interventions if unnecessary.  I'm not so prideful that I would forbid them.  I'm not so prideful that I will refuse to go to the hospital if baby has low fetal heart tones or something is obviously wrong.  I believe that hospitals can be a wonderful thing when needed and I'll have no shame transferring to a hospital if need be.  There's one quite close, as we discovered a few months ago when rushing Ben there after he ate peanuts.  

But I don't want a c-section because a doctor is tired of waiting on me and wants to go home.  I don't want pitocin becuase my labor isn't progressing fast enough to make my doctor happy.  I don't want the cord clamped immediately and my baby whisked away from me for his or her first bath.  I want to give birth to my baby in a quiet, peaceful, dark, COMFORTABLE environment surrounded by people who love me and my baby.  I want my husband to help (and most importantly, he wants to help) and I want to do what feels right and natural.  

When I was ready to push with Adalyn, they told me to hold it to wait for the doctor.  If you've birthed a baby, particularly without an epidural (I say this because I never experienced the need to push with my epidural birth, which I think is common), you know that there is no "holding it."  When baby is ready, baby is ready.  You don't control pushing - your body does.  Then they FORCED me onto my back to push her out regardless of my pleading not to make me.  Rolling onto my back felt so horribly painful I honestly thought it would kill me.  I cannot find the words to describe that pain.  Every time I would try I would be hit with horrendous pain, and the pain would immediately lessen when rolling back to my side.  But that wasn't convenient for my doctor, so she forced me into the most unnatural position a woman can be in for labor. 

When I met with the first midwife we interviewed this week, we talked about birthing in WHATEVER POSITION I WANTED.  WHEREVER I WANTED!  Imagine!  I get to do what I want!  And really, doesn't that seem like the most natural way for labor to progress?  Doesn't it seem like something God equipped us to be able to do?  I think we women don't give ourselves enough credit that we know how to get baby out.  We're so brainwashed into the idea that we need to be flat on our backs taking orders from our doctor that we don't think to question that.  

I am the perfect candidate for home birth.  I have had two normal, uneventful pregnancies, produced two healthy babies, had a natural birth and quick labors.  As far as risk factors go, I have almost none.  I will have the 20 week ultrasound to check for heart defects, deformities and anything else that would make the hospital the safest place to birth this baby.

I don't feel I'm naive, uninformed, stupid or risking my baby's life. I have thought long and hard about this, I have taken in as much knowledge as I can soak up and I am ready for this!  In eight months, that is...

:)